Friday, September 2, 2011

Taming My Nerves

At a recent conference where I led worship, a woman asked me, “How did  you overcome your nerves when leading?” She is one of the few people who had seen me perform at a coffeehouse years ago when my nerves danced in my fingertips and vocal cords as I stumbled through my set list. Unfortunately, they were the prominent performers of the evening.

Any person who gets up in front of people to say, in essence, “Look over here! At me! I have something worthy of your time and attention!” will, at some point, have to confront their nerves.

For me as a singer/songwriter, the anxiety set in not only as a result of being in front of a crowd of people whose attention was on me, but because of the content of my message. I was sharing songs I had written from very personal places (some of my deepest hurts, greatest joys, and biggest regrets) hoping that somehow others would connect to the message and the God behind it. I was exposing my heart. Vulnerability wasn’t something that came easily to me. It still doesn’t. I like fig leaves, and animal skins, and hiding among the trees.

Although time, preparation, and prayer have all helped in taking the edge off, there is one realization that has completely changed my perspective and enabled me to be free and relaxed on stage. One simple, permeating truth: It’s not about me; it’s ALL about God! Not my story but His story told through me! It’s a subtle difference with huge implications. Instead of “hoping people will connect to the message and the God behind it,” I realize He is the message! I hide behind Him(check out Colossians 3:3). My purpose, on and off stage, is to make Him famous.

I have a newfound confidence because, no matter how unworthy or incapable I am, He is completely worthy and fully capable! I give my all, my best and He multiplies and uses it for His glory.
I now look at nervousness as a faithful friend and mentor. It’s there with me just below the surface as a healthy reminder that I represent someone infinitely more impressive than I could ever hope to be and that it’s only by His grace I am able to do so. It also redirects me when I lose sight of that fact. The tightness in my vocal chords and the jelly fingers are telltale signs that I’ve lost sight of my purpose, my eyes have turned inward, or outward instead of upward, and I need to refocus.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

On the horizon...

I am always blown away with how God weaves the seemingly arbitrary details of our lives into a beautiful display of His purposes. When we first moved here to VA, I was a little confused. Why would he call us out of a church plant and budding music ministry in GA to "start over"? Each day we're here, he reveals another reason that makes me giggle at His brilliance. In the fall I giggled at how blessed we were to have a slower pace of life that allowed us to invest much needed time into our family relationships. After that, I laughed in amazement that my neighbor "just happened" to be the producer of a women's event and was looking for a worship leader and how God intersected our lives. Today, I am giddy for the next adventure in our lives.

My husband has accepted the invitation to pastor River's Edge Church in Iowa Falls. It will be a big change of scenery from the Chesapeake Bay to the amber waves of...corn and soy beans; from urban sprawl to small town. But what we are really excited about is the group of people we will be partnering with. God is doing a major work in the believers in this community, stirring their hearts to reach the lost with the good news of Jesus Christ not in word only but in deed. These people don't just go to church or do church but ARE the church and we are stoked to stand shoulder to shoulder with them. We will be moving this summer and appreciate your continued prayers in this new endeavor!

In the meantime, I am booked steadily leading worship for several events this summer. I wanted to highlight 2 of them for women only:

-Women's VBS will be in 2 locations this year and I am thrilled to lead with Day of Grace Band!

-Calvary Chapel Women's Deep South Conference will be held onsite this year and the guest speaker is Lenya Heitzig! If you're in the Southeast region you won't want to miss it!